


Post-Sex Binge-watching: A Jade Orchid Story

by moonlitinuyasha1985, XFangHeartX



Category: One Piece
Genre: 1000 ways to die, Anthropomorphic, F/M, Television Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 09:23:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8662138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitinuyasha1985/pseuds/moonlitinuyasha1985, https://archiveofourown.org/users/XFangHeartX/pseuds/XFangHeartX
Summary: Luffy & Nami watch a marathon of 1,000 Ways to Die.





	

**Post-Sex Binge-watching: A Jade Orchid Story**

 

(I do not, nor will I EVER, own One Piece. This sensational series belongs to Ze Great Eiichiro Oda.)

 

 

It was late at night in Tokyo, Japan. The tea shop owned by Nami and Nico Robin was already closed for the day.

 

On the second floor of the shop, little Monkey D. Aika and her Akita Inu puppy, Kumi, were all snug in Aika's bed as they dreamed.

 

"Get back here...cookie bunny..." she murmured in her sleep.

 

"Rrr...ruff...ruff..." Kumi lightly barked, sleepily. "Aroo..."

 

    Up in the attic, her older half brother and older sister had just finished their "fun times", showered off, dressed in their pjs, and sitting on their bed, watching television.

 

The show that was currently on was called _1,000 Ways to Die_. Luffy just wasn't tired, yet.

 

"Boy," he began, "that one guy's really stupid."

 

"Tell me about it," Nami concurred, "why would anyone take a bath in a tub of rubbing alcohol?"

 

"Someone who's a total germaphobe," Luffy answered, "but even germaphobes aren't that dumb."

 

"Unless you're this guy," Nami added.

 

"...Oh, hey, what's this one?" Luffy asked. "Ass-splosion? What the hell does that me--HOLY CRAP!!!!"

 

"Oh, my gosh!" Nami cried, just as shocked.

 

"His...his intestines came right out of his ass..." Luffy muttered, paler than a ghost. "That is so disgusting!!"

 

"Shh~!" Nami shushed. "You'll wake Aika."

 

"But you were shouting, too!" Luffy argued.

 

"Shh~!!" Nami shushed again.

 

"Fine, I'll shush." Luffy pouted.

 

"Good boy." Nami softly praised.

 

"Oh, this is interesting," Luffy noted.

 

"What's interesting about two brothers fighting over some bimbo?" Nami asked. "So shameful. Especially when they're drunk."

 

"Yup." Luffy agreed. "It's really sad."

 

Then came the truck pull.

 

"Oh, boy, what is it now?" Nami asked.

 

"They're gonna decide who'll take her home with a truck pulling contest." Luffy answered. "Ugh...neanderthals. And that's something, coming from me! I'm an idiot!"

 

"Even you're not that dumb, honey." Nami pointed out.

 

"Thanks," Luffy spoke.

 

"Anytime." Nami replied, petting him.

 

"Holy crap!" Luffy exclaimed, though not too loudly, as he watched the television.

 

Nami gasped and covered her eyes.

 

"Why didn't she just get out of the way?!" she asked, quietly. "Is she that drunk?!"

 

"Possibly." Luffy answered. "Oh, what's this one? Looks like...holy smoke! His head filled up with water and exploded!!"

 

"Shh~!" Nami shushed. "You're gonna wake up Aika with all that shouting!"

 

"Sorry." Luffy apologized.

 

They went back to watching TV, and Luffy was laughing a bit at what he was seeing.

 

"I know I shouldn't laugh about this," he spoke, "especially at little people."

 

Nami couldn't help snickering.

 

"Oh, dear Ceiling Cat...!" she giggled. "I mean...he is kinda cute."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luffy asked.

 

"He's not as cute as you," Nami added, "Nobody will ever be as cute as you."

 

"Yay." Luffy cheered, resting his head on her shoulder.

 

"Ugh...look at these two," Nami groaned, watching the couple, "dude thinks he'll get lucky just be revving up his chainsaw."

 

"Good lord," Luffy muttered, "now he's spinning it around."

 

"I can't watch this," Nami said, covering her eyes, "Just tell me what happens."

 

"Okay." Luffy replied as he watched the television. "The cord strangled him and then the chainsaw sliced up his throat."

 

Nami gagged at this. "Oh, sweet Ceiling Cat...!"

 

"I know, it's gross," Luffy concurred, "and now there's a woman getting drunk off her ass at a sobriety party."

 

"Oh, no," Nami muttered.

 

    She uncovered her eyes, only to quickly cover them back up. The woman at the party had fallen down dead from eating a type of mushroom mixed with alcohol.

 

"Man, what an IDIOT," Luffy commented.

 

"Right?" Nami agreed.

 

"Ooh, a souvenir stand!" Luffy said, watching the next one.

 

"This seems nice enough." Nami smiled.

 

But she spoke too soon.

 

"He ate the pepper!" Luffy whispered.

 

"Oh, good lord," Nami muttered.

 

"Somebody get him some milk!" whispered Luffy. "Please!!"

 

"Oh, he drank rattlesnake venom!" Nami quietly exclaimed.

 

"Who would have rattlesnake venom in a souvenir stand?!" Luffy asked.

 

"It's a mystery," answered Nami.

 

"Oh, boy look at this," Luffy spoke up, "it's the married couple from Hell."

 

"Oh, god, let this END," Nami muttered.

 

Wish granted.

 

"OH, GOD!!" Luffy cried. "THEY WERE SHOT!!!"

 

"Luffy, no shouting!" Nami whispered.

 

"Sorry, Nami." Luffy apologized.

 

"Oh, no..." Nami muttered. "What is it, this time?"

 

"There's some guy trying to one up his cousin with his new truck." Luffy answered. "What an ass."

 

"I know," Nami concurred, "Even Zoro and Sanji aren't this competitive!"

 

At that moment, a miracle happened.

 

The truck ran right over his skull, crushing it like an egg!

 

"Oh, jeez!" Luffy cried, quietly.

 

"Not pretty." Nami whispered. "Well, I think we've seen enough for tonight. One more and I don't think I'll be able to sleep."

 

"Yeah." Luffy concurred. With that, he flicked off the TV. "'Night, Nami."

 

"Goodnight, Luffy."

 

On that, they both went to sleep.

 

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Got the idea from watching _1,000 Ways to Die_ one Sunday.


End file.
